The Bloop

by The Bloop

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Copyright 2011. Recorded at Rob's House.

Album artwork by everyone in The Bloop.

Guest vocals on Knife by Paul Black.
Guest guitars on Venezuelan Snow Spider by Dallas Sinquefield, Shane Hunt, and Ben Moffat.

All songs written and performed by The Bloop, except "Super Mario Bros. 2 (Underworld)" written by Koji Kondo; "MST3K Love Theme," by Best Brains, Charlie Erickson, Joel Hodgson, and Josh Weinstein; and "City of the Ancients (Final Fantasy VII)" written by Nobuo Uematsu.


released December 19, 2011

The Bloop is:
Rob Mosher - Guitar, Bass, Keys, Drums, Vocals
Jesse Snow - Guitar, Bass, Keys, Vocals
Curtis Tuckfield - Bass, Keys, Guitar, Vocals
Scott Tuckfield - Drums, Keys, Guitar, Vocals
Jack Young - Guitar, Keys, Bass, Drums, Vocals



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The Bloop Salt Lake City, Utah

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Track Name: Donald
Donald came to stay, he had the plague
We took him in but then he went away

Back then the flowers was growin'
The people was playin' all day n' singin' oh!

You can't judge ol' Don fer what he dun
He lifted parsley thirteen hours a day

He couldn't help it if he were that way
He couldn't help it if he were that gay

Come now baby don't you be afraid
Come now baby dig yourself a grave
Come now baby don't you be afraid
Of the world and the way it is
Come now baby dig yourself a grave
In the ground with your bare hands bleeding on the earth
Now baby, don't you be afraid
Come now baby dig yourself a grave
Track Name: Mr. Microphone vs. Mrs. Microscope
Mr. Microphone vs. Mrs. Microscope
It's a battle of the sexes

In the atrium the trees they make a dome
With the maps the globes they choose to spin alone
Justin B. he sits and shits and stands alone
Mr. Microphone vs. Mrs. Microscope
It's a battle of the sexes

If you see just where I'm coming from
Then you might have yourself a conniption fit
And then you'll die, you'll burn in hell
And I'll see you in hell, yeah!
Track Name: Super Mario Bros. 2 (Underworld)
Wind in my skirt, jump and float

My head is a mushroom, my head is a mushroom
fungus grows upon my head, fungus head

I am a plumber, in a world like no other
Birdo just gave me an egg, what the fuck

I am his brother, I'm here for no other
reason but for player two, player two
Track Name: Money in my Mattress
I put my money in my mattress
I put my money in my mattress
I put my pennies in my pillow, it's mello yello
Now I got some gold around my dome just like a halo
Got my money in my mattress, it's better than a bank
My money's in my mattress but oh what a stank
When our sweat drips through the sheets into the bills girl
We gonna cure all the nation's ills and pay the national debt
It's gettin' wet it's gettin' wet

I put my nickels in a knapsack, they clink and they clank
With a backpack crammed with cash I'm laughing straight to the bank
With a silhouette like Kris Kringle, my coins how they jingle, my loins how they tingle
I win my bread, I take it to bed
You know I'm clothed in dough from my toes to my head
And I put my money in mattress
I put my money in my mattress
You can send my paychecks to my address
Cuz I put my money in my mattress
Track Name: Budget Babies
In 2025, R.J. Featherworth and Michael Biggsborough ran a shoe shop out of Newark, but then gambled away the world's future in cloning and progressions in genetic space science and similar enterprises beyond the rings of Saturn 5! Together with help from the Gromulettes, a female doo-wop group from Oberon Delta VII, they constructed a new race of beings, taking genetics from fans, friends, and relatives. Birthed from ovalian space capsules, out came the smiling Budget Babies, ready for a new dawn of growth and mega-challenges. Working as one, their thousands of identical fingers built a Star Railway to the sky, and subsequently cloned it. They initially developed a region which they called "Myspace," but soon progressed into new and dangerous territories...

Scannin' the stars! Venus and Mars!
Budget Babies! Budget Babies!

Zest and vim colored the optimistic smiles of the Budget Babies as the Star Railway barreled its glittering cars through the heavens. The future glistened with a juicy sheen of promise: the promise of a new home, a home free from persecution, unjust laws, and parties ruined by malicious noogies!

They found a home! A home they could clone!
Now they're original duplications!

They went to space and found their own place!
They rode their rails cross the galaxy's face!

For forty weeks and weekends, the Budget Babies combed the night sky, rummaging through star clusters and sifting through accretion disks. The journey was difficult, morale was strained, and doubts plagued the minds of the Clone Clan Council.
Would the Star Railway take them to a habitable world? Would the Clone Clan escape the proverbial talons of extinction? Would the dining car run out of spicy mustard? The answer to these and many more questions turned out to be...yes!
Track Name: Knife
Take the knife
Cut the flesh
Tasty steak
On the grill

You just put some barbecue sauce on that, and it's fantastic.
Track Name: Manglodon
Manglodon comes down, wanderin' round down town here
Wranglin' Don Fagen, scramblin' up bacon beer

He's on the island and he doesn't give a shit about you
It's true
He's in the trees and he wants to make a people head stew
Mmm stew

Got a big beard he's feared and misunderstood
His beardy fear steered his outlook on life for good

He's on the island and he doesn't give a shit about you
How rude
He's in the trees but he doesn't want to make stew out of you
He likes you
Track Name: Carma
I'm a neoconservative in a big truck
Polluting the air but I don't give a fuck
It's okay to buy a big truck if you really need it
But I don't

I'm a neoconservative guzzling gas
Using the rainforest to wipe my fat ass
It's okay to buy a big truck if you really need it
But I don't

Cell phone driver
Why don't you keep your eyes on the street?
Cell phone driver
Don't you be sending no texts to me

Every time I see a cell phone driver driving round they're driving my out of my mind yeah they're driving me out of my mind the cell phone drivers yeah

Cell phone driver
Why don't you keep your eyes on the street?
Cell phone driver
Don't you be sending no texts to me

You know, every time I see a cell phone driver I just wanna scream about the cell phone drivers drivin round in this town yeah

Oh yeah whoa
Putting on my makeup now
Driving my Elantra down the road
I don't have a care in the world
Track Name: He's the Guy
Mind meld our word spew
Who knew what that ripped and ridgy rascal could do?
He might have a word with you
Or maybe have a drink o' prune

Cause he's the guy with really big muscles
He's the guy who could wrestle your mother

Sash of silver shining bright
Give a gal a ridge tonight
Wink your way through worldly woes
Drink your juice, son of Mogh
Drink your juice mother fucker

Well, he's a wrinkled stinkin' warrior for yer tactical galactics
What he lacks in tact he gets back in adaptable synaptics
He's got a lotta stock in gok and council geriatrics
In fact, he's practical, impactful, though semantically didactic
So when my buddy's brudda's mudda
Mustered up the guts to stutta
She was a utterly insulting
As a hussy from the gutta
With his heritage disparaged,
With his battle bible libeled,
With his Alexander slandered
He was as riled as a child
So was he honor-bound to pound the ground?
Justified in pile-drivin'?
Pin that mother to the mat for sayin' shit like that!

Cause he's the guy with really big muscles
He's the guy who could wrestle your mother

They say Grandma turned the other cheek!
Track Name: Venezuelan Snow Spider
Venezuelan Snow Spider

Runnin' through your town and killin' all the people now
Ya better watch out, it's gonna latch onto your face
And lay its eggs in your brain!
Track Name: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space,
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl
Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse
And in her rocket ship she hunts them all across the universe

I'll send him cheesy movies, the worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all, and I'll monitor his mind
Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends

Robot roll call!
Cambot! Gypsy! Tom Servo! Croooooow!

If you're wondering how he eats and breaths
And other science facts
Repeat to yourself "it's just a show
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theatre 3000!"
Track Name: Maxiprez
Are you like me? Are you one of the 40 million Americans suffering from chronic chafing? Knee whistling? Gall ping, or sweat? Are you hobbled by rugby toes or slank foot? Are you forgetful? Are you tired? Do you feel pain? Have you recently given candy to the Venezuelan Snow Spider? Did you just watch "Harry and the Hendersons?" Are you suffering from memory loss? Do you wake up every night in a pool of blood? Are there stains you just can't explain? Do you have trouble remembering things?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then let us help you open the door to a new lease on life…with Maxiprez.

When you're feeling low, and you just don't know
Oh no you just don't know you don't know
Where ya gonna turn to
To feel all right tonight

You'll feel like new!

Five years ago, when I walked Mr. Doggy, I just couldn't keep up, due to jump brain. But now, thanks to Maxiprez, we have the time of our lives. Thank you Maxiprez!

I had a belly full of barnacles and a gullet full of grief. Now I just couldn't care less. Thanks Maxiprez!

I used to miss my arms and legs. I couldn't walk, or type, or even masturbate. But thanks to Maxiprez, those days are long gone. Many thanks to you Maxiprez!

I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

Before I found Maxiprez, I was an amorphous globule of DNA scrapings and random chromosomes. Now I'm a functioning member of society, and my digits are coming in nicely!

Dude, last time I took Maxiprez, I travelled down a swirly orange tunnel, and I met a space magician, and he had, like, a little black egg that hatched a mandible kitty that roared like a bear. Dude, Maxiprez rocks!

If you are currently nursing, taking an MAOI Inhibitor, or are on the drugs Norminol, Olomerine, Spectrodrome, or Fronkinex, Maxiprez may not be for you. Consult your doctor before use.
Side effects may include facial ticks, headache, fever, forgetfulness, upset stomach, severe diarrhea, psychosis, spatial distortions, excessive smiling, hot foot, memory loss, jelly knee, runner's forehead, and swelling of the tongue, which in certain cases has proven fatal.
Less than 80% of individuals taking Maxiprez may also experience wrinkle wrist, mint mitosis, left-handed strep, amnesia, colonic fetish, tonsil tooth, terror tongue, lupus, chronic tapping, fatal ear swelling, Manderfield syndrome, hobs and knobs, hover nipples, ethereal worms, muddy bloody butthole, cobbler nose, internal locusts, mushroom fingers, dick split, motor mania, motocross madness, monster truck mayhem, chump finger, triangle eye, box balls, sudden regret, or death.
So talk to your doctor, and ask about "Maxiprez…3 Steps Ahead!"
Track Name: Caramel Cartel
Caramel Cartel
You hide your candy well
Can we meet on the street? I need a treat to eat
I'll buy whatever you've got to sell
Can I pay you next week?
I'm good for it, man
I just needs me a fix, just a Hershey's or Twix
I'll even take some Marzipan

Caramel Cartel
You cover up your trail
The price that you pay to have the cops look away
Is on a billion dollar scale
And there's nothing that you don't own
Nothing you don't control
There is no limit to the power you've been given
But you've given up your soul

Ya better pull that taffy well if you're gonna make a sale
We're gonna be just fine my friends
We'll stick together till the end
And steal all the candy that we can

Caramel Cartel
Your surly personnel
Are a criminal gang, they're dangerous and deranged
They threw my cousin down a well
He couldn't pay the tab
for his M&M bag
And although it's mean and vicious
Now he's sleeping with the Swedish Fishes

Caramel Cartel
You all belong in jail
But your product's too sweet, your dominion complete
So I'll see you all in hell

If you're looking for some sugar, well I know a guy
There ain't a single kinda candy that he can't provide
He got the tastiest confections you could ever buy
He got pounds of Mounds, Almond Joys and Moon Pies
He's sly, he's don of the bon bons,
Duke of the om noms, he won't do ya wrong
He's a wicked Willy Wonka that ya wouldn't wanna bother
He's the Gobstopper Godfather

You got a sweet tooth? I'll tell you the truth
You put some money in my hand and I'll supply what you demand,
Cause if you want it, the'll be someone gonna sell it to ya
And if you got it you can make em wanna get it from ya
It's economics and ya better not forget it truly
In your pocket is your ticket to some sweet and chewy
That's where we come in, we wanna be your friend
By nine tonight you gonna feel like you're in Candyland

Who do you think feeds those Snickers to those greedy treat or trickers?
Who do you think gets the dough when you go to a show and you buy a pack of Rolos?
Who do you think is really in control of the whole world's stock of cinnamon rolls?
Who do you think fronts the funds for the smuggling of underground sticky buns?

The Caramel Cartel
Hell yeah man
Caramel Cartel
You best believe it baby
Caramel Cartel
It goes down sweet n' easy
Caramel Cartel

Ya better pull that taffy well if you're gonna make a sale
We're gonna be just fine my friends,
We'll stick together til the end
And steal all the candy that we can
Track Name: Spitoon/Oh Di'Giorno!
Well it's lonely out here, boys
Kickin' on the dusty trail
Herdin' along heads of cattle
Tryin' to go somewhere
You know it's hard
Bein' way out here this far
You gets that hurtin' in your groin
You gotta find some tenderloin

The men are men
And the cattle are scared