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The Bloop

by The Bloop

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1.
Donald 04:27
Donald came to stay, he had the plague We took him in but then he went away Back then the flowers was growin' The people was playin' all day n' singin' oh! You can't judge ol' Don fer what he dun He lifted parsley thirteen hours a day He couldn't help it if he were that way He couldn't help it if he were that gay Come now baby don't you be afraid Come now baby dig yourself a grave Come now baby don't you be afraid Of the world and the way it is Come now baby dig yourself a grave In the ground with your bare hands bleeding on the earth Now baby, don't you be afraid Come now baby dig yourself a grave
2.
Mr. Microphone vs. Mrs. Microscope It's a battle of the sexes In the atrium the trees they make a dome With the maps the globes they choose to spin alone Justin B. he sits and shits and stands alone Mr. Microphone vs. Mrs. Microscope It's a battle of the sexes If you see just where I'm coming from Then you might have yourself a conniption fit And then you'll die, you'll burn in hell And I'll see you in hell, yeah!
3.
Wind in my skirt, jump and float My head is a mushroom, my head is a mushroom fungus grows upon my head, fungus head I am a plumber, in a world like no other Birdo just gave me an egg, what the fuck I am his brother, I'm here for no other reason but for player two, player two
4.
Jimble 03:22
5.
I put my money in my mattress I put my money in my mattress I put my pennies in my pillow, it's mello yello Now I got some gold around my dome just like a halo Got my money in my mattress, it's better than a bank My money's in my mattress but oh what a stank When our sweat drips through the sheets into the bills girl We gonna cure all the nation's ills and pay the national debt It's gettin' wet it's gettin' wet I put my nickels in a knapsack, they clink and they clank With a backpack crammed with cash I'm laughing straight to the bank With a silhouette like Kris Kringle, my coins how they jingle, my loins how they tingle I win my bread, I take it to bed You know I'm clothed in dough from my toes to my head And I put my money in mattress I put my money in my mattress You can send my paychecks to my address Cuz I put my money in my mattress
6.
In 2025, R.J. Featherworth and Michael Biggsborough ran a shoe shop out of Newark, but then gambled away the world's future in cloning and progressions in genetic space science and similar enterprises beyond the rings of Saturn 5! Together with help from the Gromulettes, a female doo-wop group from Oberon Delta VII, they constructed a new race of beings, taking genetics from fans, friends, and relatives. Birthed from ovalian space capsules, out came the smiling Budget Babies, ready for a new dawn of growth and mega-challenges. Working as one, their thousands of identical fingers built a Star Railway to the sky, and subsequently cloned it. They initially developed a region which they called "Myspace," but soon progressed into new and dangerous territories... Scannin' the stars! Venus and Mars! Budget Babies! Budget Babies! Zest and vim colored the optimistic smiles of the Budget Babies as the Star Railway barreled its glittering cars through the heavens. The future glistened with a juicy sheen of promise: the promise of a new home, a home free from persecution, unjust laws, and parties ruined by malicious noogies! They found a home! A home they could clone! Now they're original duplications! They went to space and found their own place! They rode their rails cross the galaxy's face! For forty weeks and weekends, the Budget Babies combed the night sky, rummaging through star clusters and sifting through accretion disks. The journey was difficult, morale was strained, and doubts plagued the minds of the Clone Clan Council. Would the Star Railway take them to a habitable world? Would the Clone Clan escape the proverbial talons of extinction? Would the dining car run out of spicy mustard? The answer to these and many more questions turned out to be...yes!
7.
Knife 01:38
Take the knife Cut the flesh Tasty steak On the grill You just put some barbecue sauce on that, and it's fantastic.
8.
Manglodon 04:24
Manglodon comes down, wanderin' round down town here Wranglin' Don Fagen, scramblin' up bacon beer He's on the island and he doesn't give a shit about you It's true He's in the trees and he wants to make a people head stew Mmm stew Got a big beard he's feared and misunderstood His beardy fear steered his outlook on life for good He's on the island and he doesn't give a shit about you How rude He's in the trees but he doesn't want to make stew out of you He likes you
9.
Carma 05:54
I'm a neoconservative in a big truck Polluting the air but I don't give a fuck It's okay to buy a big truck if you really need it But I don't I'm a neoconservative guzzling gas Using the rainforest to wipe my fat ass It's okay to buy a big truck if you really need it But I don't Cell phone driver Why don't you keep your eyes on the street? Cell phone driver Don't you be sending no texts to me Every time I see a cell phone driver driving round they're driving my out of my mind yeah they're driving me out of my mind the cell phone drivers yeah Cell phone driver Why don't you keep your eyes on the street? Cell phone driver Don't you be sending no texts to me You know, every time I see a cell phone driver I just wanna scream about the cell phone drivers drivin round in this town yeah Oh yeah whoa Putting on my makeup now Driving my Elantra down the road I don't have a care in the world
10.
He's the Guy 07:27
Mind meld our word spew Who knew what that ripped and ridgy rascal could do? He might have a word with you Or maybe have a drink o' prune Cause he's the guy with really big muscles He's the guy who could wrestle your mother Sash of silver shining bright Give a gal a ridge tonight Wink your way through worldly woes Drink your juice, son of Mogh Drink your juice mother fucker Well, he's a wrinkled stinkin' warrior for yer tactical galactics What he lacks in tact he gets back in adaptable synaptics He's got a lotta stock in gok and council geriatrics In fact, he's practical, impactful, though semantically didactic So when my buddy's brudda's mudda Mustered up the guts to stutta She was a utterly insulting As a hussy from the gutta With his heritage disparaged, With his battle bible libeled, With his Alexander slandered He was as riled as a child So was he honor-bound to pound the ground? Justified in pile-drivin'? Pin that mother to the mat for sayin' shit like that! Cause he's the guy with really big muscles He's the guy who could wrestle your mother They say Grandma turned the other cheek!
11.
Venezuelan Snow Spider Runnin' through your town and killin' all the people now Ya better watch out, it's gonna latch onto your face And lay its eggs in your brain!
12.
13.
In the not too distant future, Somewhere in time and space, Mike Nelson and his robot pals Are caught in an endless chase Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world She threw a few things in her purse And in her rocket ship she hunts them all across the universe I'll send him cheesy movies, the worst I can find He'll have to sit and watch them all, and I'll monitor his mind Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the movies begin or end He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends Robot roll call! Cambot! Gypsy! Tom Servo! Croooooow! If you're wondering how he eats and breaths And other science facts Repeat to yourself "it's just a show I should really just relax For Mystery Science Theatre 3000!"
14.
Maxiprez 03:38
Are you like me? Are you one of the 40 million Americans suffering from chronic chafing? Knee whistling? Gall ping, or sweat? Are you hobbled by rugby toes or slank foot? Are you forgetful? Are you tired? Do you feel pain? Have you recently given candy to the Venezuelan Snow Spider? Did you just watch "Harry and the Hendersons?" Are you suffering from memory loss? Do you wake up every night in a pool of blood? Are there stains you just can't explain? Do you have trouble remembering things? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then let us help you open the door to a new lease on life…with Maxiprez. When you're feeling low, and you just don't know Oh no you just don't know you don't know Where ya gonna turn to To feel all right tonight You'll feel like new! Maxiprez Five years ago, when I walked Mr. Doggy, I just couldn't keep up, due to jump brain. But now, thanks to Maxiprez, we have the time of our lives. Thank you Maxiprez! I had a belly full of barnacles and a gullet full of grief. Now I just couldn't care less. Thanks Maxiprez! I used to miss my arms and legs. I couldn't walk, or type, or even masturbate. But thanks to Maxiprez, those days are long gone. Many thanks to you Maxiprez! I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Before I found Maxiprez, I was an amorphous globule of DNA scrapings and random chromosomes. Now I'm a functioning member of society, and my digits are coming in nicely! Dude, last time I took Maxiprez, I travelled down a swirly orange tunnel, and I met a space magician, and he had, like, a little black egg that hatched a mandible kitty that roared like a bear. Dude, Maxiprez rocks! If you are currently nursing, taking an MAOI Inhibitor, or are on the drugs Norminol, Olomerine, Spectrodrome, or Fronkinex, Maxiprez may not be for you. Consult your doctor before use. Side effects may include facial ticks, headache, fever, forgetfulness, upset stomach, severe diarrhea, psychosis, spatial distortions, excessive smiling, hot foot, memory loss, jelly knee, runner's forehead, and swelling of the tongue, which in certain cases has proven fatal. Less than 80% of individuals taking Maxiprez may also experience wrinkle wrist, mint mitosis, left-handed strep, amnesia, colonic fetish, tonsil tooth, terror tongue, lupus, chronic tapping, fatal ear swelling, Manderfield syndrome, hobs and knobs, hover nipples, ethereal worms, muddy bloody butthole, cobbler nose, internal locusts, mushroom fingers, dick split, motor mania, motocross madness, monster truck mayhem, chump finger, triangle eye, box balls, sudden regret, or death. So talk to your doctor, and ask about "Maxiprez…3 Steps Ahead!"
15.
Caramel Cartel You hide your candy well Can we meet on the street? I need a treat to eat I'll buy whatever you've got to sell Can I pay you next week? I'm good for it, man I just needs me a fix, just a Hershey's or Twix I'll even take some Marzipan Caramel Cartel You cover up your trail The price that you pay to have the cops look away Is on a billion dollar scale And there's nothing that you don't own Nothing you don't control There is no limit to the power you've been given But you've given up your soul Ya better pull that taffy well if you're gonna make a sale We're gonna be just fine my friends We'll stick together till the end And steal all the candy that we can Caramel Cartel Your surly personnel Are a criminal gang, they're dangerous and deranged They threw my cousin down a well He couldn't pay the tab for his M&M bag And although it's mean and vicious Now he's sleeping with the Swedish Fishes Caramel Cartel You all belong in jail But your product's too sweet, your dominion complete So I'll see you all in hell If you're looking for some sugar, well I know a guy There ain't a single kinda candy that he can't provide He got the tastiest confections you could ever buy He got pounds of Mounds, Almond Joys and Moon Pies He's sly, he's don of the bon bons, Duke of the om noms, he won't do ya wrong He's a wicked Willy Wonka that ya wouldn't wanna bother He's the Gobstopper Godfather You got a sweet tooth? I'll tell you the truth You put some money in my hand and I'll supply what you demand, Cause if you want it, the'll be someone gonna sell it to ya And if you got it you can make em wanna get it from ya It's economics and ya better not forget it truly In your pocket is your ticket to some sweet and chewy That's where we come in, we wanna be your friend By nine tonight you gonna feel like you're in Candyland Who do you think feeds those Snickers to those greedy treat or trickers? Who do you think gets the dough when you go to a show and you buy a pack of Rolos? Who do you think is really in control of the whole world's stock of cinnamon rolls? Who do you think fronts the funds for the smuggling of underground sticky buns? The Caramel Cartel Hell yeah man Caramel Cartel You best believe it baby Caramel Cartel It goes down sweet n' easy Caramel Cartel Ya better pull that taffy well if you're gonna make a sale We're gonna be just fine my friends, We'll stick together til the end And steal all the candy that we can
16.
17.
Well it's lonely out here, boys Kickin' on the dusty trail Herdin' along heads of cattle Tryin' to go somewhere You know it's hard Bein' way out here this far You gets that hurtin' in your groin You gotta find some tenderloin The men are men And the cattle are scared

about

Copyright 2011. Recorded at Rob's House.

Album artwork by everyone in The Bloop.

Guest vocals on Knife by Paul Black.
Guest guitars on Venezuelan Snow Spider by Dallas Sinquefield, Shane Hunt, and Ben Moffat.

All songs written and performed by The Bloop, except "Super Mario Bros. 2 (Underworld)" written by Koji Kondo; "MST3K Love Theme," by Best Brains, Charlie Erickson, Joel Hodgson, and Josh Weinstein; and "City of the Ancients (Final Fantasy VII)" written by Nobuo Uematsu.

credits

released December 19, 2011

The Bloop is:
Rob Mosher - Guitar, Bass, Keys, Drums, Vocals
Jesse Snow - Guitar, Bass, Keys, Vocals
Curtis Tuckfield - Bass, Keys, Guitar, Vocals
Scott Tuckfield - Drums, Keys, Guitar, Vocals
Jack Young - Guitar, Keys, Bass, Drums, Vocals

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The Bloop Salt Lake City, Utah

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